Hurrican Adlai Expected To Bring Dry, Witty Weather

Meteorologists report that a new Tropical Weather System, named Hurricane Adlai, will be heading into the Gulf of Mexico bringing up the rear right behind Hurricane Ike. Hurricane Adlai will likely lightly mist the Gulf Coast of Texas with intellectually satisfying progressive rain showers and witty aphorisms. Hurricane Adlai will probably not be as thunderous as Hurricane Ike and will go right over the heads of less educated coastal residents who are still reeling from the pounding they took from Hurricane Strom last season.

Israel to Offer Land for Land in New Peace Deal

In what it has termed its "most generous offer yet" the Israeli cabinet is set to approve an offer to Palestinians of up to 90% of the West Bank in Second Life in return for 70% of Palestinian controlled territories in the West Bank. "90 for 70, how can you say no to a deal like that," proclaimed chief Israeli negotiator Shulamit Loewenstein. The office of Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas issued a cautious statement, indicating that they "would have to review the details of the offer." US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice expressed optimism in a press conference in Tbilisi. "This is a positive step forward and we hope the Palestinian people and their representatives will respond positively and make a choice for peace." Meanwhile, Hamas spokeman Ahmad Yunis reacted negatively to the Israeli proposal that would leave several large settlements in Second Life and which would still leave Israel in control of border crossings and airspace over Second Life West Bank and Gaza. "Second Life, really?" said the Hamas spokesman, "They must think we're a bunch of ignorant Okies." In a separate statement Secretary of State Rice proposed a one time payment of $2 million Linden Dollars to aid Palestinian reconstruction.