Apple Computers proudly unveiled its new Leonard operating system today. Apple head honcho Steve Jobs beamed as the new Leonard OS was given a test run in front of a small room full of pathetic journalists who think technology makes a difference.
"Leonard 6.0 is giant leap forward in flexibility and power," said one paid minion. "I really don't know what this is about," said a bewildered journalist, "but I hear if you stay 'til the end there's crackers and cheese in the lobby." Biz for the new OS is expected to be boffo compared to Leonard 5.0, but some forecasters predict that with a little bit of patience consumers can just wait for Leonard 7.0 for about as much good as any of them will do when you don't have a job or a place to live in the coming economic mess.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Sleep for Two
Scientists studying sleep have announced a new breakthrough in their understanding of the mental cycles involved in brain hibernation. "We've known about the effects of REM sleep for some time," said a scientist, "but until now we had not understood the effects of 10,000 Maniacs sleep." According to the Institute for Science Things, the Natalie Merchant based sleep has profound effects on the mind and is especially connected to insomnia and speech aberrations such as Acute Affected Accent Syndrome and Lost Relationship Weeping Disorder. Scientists were unable to explain just what this breakthrough implied without resorting to meaningless jargon and vague pleasant-sounding generalities. "The answers are not quite as obvious as they are for the Belle & Sebastian Sleep Cycle," said another scientist.
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