Lieberman Accuses Iran of Training Rodents, Other Small Mammals

In a speech at the Amalgamated Aluminum and Linoleum Line Workers League Buffet Hall today Connecticut Senator Joseph Lieberman accused Iranian Revolutionary Guard agents of training special teams of muskrats and beavers for the purposes of undermining flood barriers. "I have very reliable information that agents of the Qute Force of the Revolutionary Guards, with the knowledge of the highest levels of the Iranian government, have established training camps for small furry mammals, including the muskrats responsible for the destruction of the Mississippi River levees during last month's flood," said Lieberman. The Senator went on to imply that theses special furry teams could also have been behind the disasters of Hurricane Katrina. "We must be vigilant against this new menace and I believe we can't waste any time in striking at the training mounds and hutches and warrens or wherever else these varmints are being trained." Colorado Representative Tom Tancredo concurred with Lieberman's accusations adding that "these critters are clearly not American. They're small brown and furry and clearly coming in through our porous borders."
While many biologists have recently attempted to explain that muskrats and beavers are in fact native to North America, columnist William Kristol was quick to reply in an editorial in The Weekly Standard that these biologists are clearly "anti-Semitic Okies."
Iranian representatives have freely admitted in the past that they used trained badgers in the 1980-1988 Iran-Iraq war and Hezbollah resistance fighters in Southern Lebanon were observed to use exceptionally fast rabbits and hares as well as falcons to gather information on Israeli troop movements in the 2006 summer conflict.