God Fires Warning Shots at Alaska

In an attempt to get the people of Alaska to repent and turn aside their wickedness God has reportedly fired several warning shots all last week from Mount Redoubt. God was unavailable for comment, but a leaked memo seemed to indicate that several commandments had been broken with especial emphasis on numbers 1, 2 and 3. There is no word yet on what level of smiting Alaska is expected to receive, but some voices in the wilderness seem to expect that at the very least God intends to turn the most recalcitrant of Alaska's vainglorious sinners into "shiftless Okies, drifting from place to place with the ashes of their destruction marking them." Alaska Deputy Lieutenant Governor Abner Belshazzar dismissed the notion that God is preparing to smite Alaska, saying "It's a simple matter of volcanic activity, and nothing supernatural at all. Now, does anyone know where I can get a bucket of lamb's blood?"